Sugared Coffee Daddy
by ListlessDeadliner
Summary: Kenny's a guy for anything, so when the twitchy blond kid asks him out, who is he to say no?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I just got into South Park this summer and have been perusing various fics here and there. I decided to contribute something myself. Enjoy this basically nonexistent ship. R&R please and thank you to let me know if you want some more.**

**M for swearing and some descriptive imagery on Kenny's behalf. Oh, and sorry for the short chapter, but it is the prologue.**

* * *

Kenny's English assignment wasn't going so well. The blank notebook page that was supposed to be filled with a sonnet was instead occupied by a crude sketch of a pair of B-cups. Red's B-cups to be specific. In artistic defense, those were a work of art. Kenny was never able to bask in their full naked glory, but the thin material of Red's bra hinted that they were quite spectacular. The reveal that the color of her undergarments matched her namesake pleased Kenny to no end.

Kenny bit his lips in concentration as a sudden burst of poetic inspiration ran through his head. He delicately squeezed a few scribbly lines around the curvature of his drawing.

_Your lovely lady chest I did caress _

_Upon laced red satin I was impressed._

_Alas we parted before I could peer_

_To see if your panties matched the brassiere._

Kenny set down his pencil. Perfect. The assignment wasn't due until tomorrow but there was no way he could improve this masterpiece.

Wait. Sonnets were supposed to have fourteen lines, not four, and wasn't the rhyming scheme supposed to be a-b-a-b instead of a-a-b-b? Well, maybe if he colored the picture that came with the poem he could receive extra credit or something. Luckily Butters sat in front of him and the dude had like every Crayola crayon in existence. The kid looked pretty focused in his poem, his eyebrows scrunched and his little pink tongue poking out a bit.

Kenny totally sucked that tongue once. Weird night. Cartman invited himself and Kenny over to the Stotch's house once Butters let it slip that his parents were going to Disneyland for the weekend without him, punishing him for whatever fucked up reason. Kenny still felt bad for basically breaking and entering the poor kid's house, but once Cartman casually mentioned that the Stotch's fridge was always full and Mr. Stotch had a liquor cabinet, Kenny was there. Cartman did somehow convince Butters that when parents leave you for the weekend, you're _supposed_ to invite friends over. After all, what kind of parents would want their kid home alone and lonely?

Yeah, so despite Butters' initial protests and golly gees, Cartman and Kenny raided the fridge and broke into the liquor supply, taking a half empty bottle of rum and pouring it into a liter container of coke. Kenny, Cartman and even Butters took alternating swigs of it while parked in front of the Stotch's flat screen. After a few reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter, they were all a bit tipsy and giggling. Well, just Butters and Kenny. Cartman must have been a tired type of drunk because he passed out as soon as the coke bottle was empty. Butters, however turned out to be a rather peppy type of drunk.

Eventually, Butters invited Kenny up to his room to escape from Cartman's tractor snores. They hung out for a while, chit-chatting about things, eating oreos, and letting Butters' hamsters out of their cage to scurry around the bedroom carpet to watch them.

Kenny didn't remember everything thing they talked about, but he did remember Butters somehow brought up the subject of kissing girls. Butters was going on about being awful worried that he hadn't had many opportunities to do so as he wanted. Kenny didn't have any problem with girls not kissing him, but paid attention to Butters' ramblings sympathetically.

Drunk Butters had a theory circulating that all the girls really wanted to kiss him, but they all thought he was gay so they were just being respectful of his sexual boundaries. He wasn't gay, he was bi-curious at best, but he still wasn't sure.

Butters was figuring that if he was bi-curious at best, he was the worst at being bi-curious because he hadn't kissed any boys either. And maybe he wasn't even bi-curious; he was only over-rationalizing why girls wouldn't kiss him. Worst case scenario, nobody wanted to kiss him, bi or not.

A drunken Kenny is still a friendly Kenny. And since Kenny had more experience in smooching, he was willing to share his wisdom about that kind of thing.

"_Hey man, all ya gotta do is kiss someone one time. If you smooch someone a magic karma thing happens and people like somehow subconsciously know you've kissed someone and look at you like 'hey that dude looks like he's kissed somebody before maybe I can get in on that.' And there you go, people be all over you after that first simple smooch."_

Butters silently considered this for a moment, looked sideways at Kenny, and chewed his lip thoughtfully before whispering, _"Well, Kenny, I hear you been smooched a whole lot. Maybe you can give me a big ole first kiss and then I can get kissed a lot too."_

Kenny didn't remember being thrown off after hearing Butters' suggestion. He simply leaned over a brushed Butters' lips with his own as if it was the most sensible thing to do. And since Butters was wearing fruity flavored Chap Stick, Kenny went back for another. And another. Then Butters was sliding into his lap and Kenny's tongue was sliding into his mouth. Since both were reeking of alcohol confidence, a full-fledged make-out session occurred.

Unfortunately, Butters and rum didn't mix well. He tensed up, shoved Kenny off the bed with urgency and sprinted to the bathroom in the hallway, proceeding to puke out his stomach contents. Drunken Kenny wasn't too insulted about that because he had already passed out on the bedroom floor. When he woke up the next morning there was a Hamster nestled in his parka hoodie and a snoozing Butters next to him who must have decided that the floor space next to Kenny looked comfier than his own bed.

Butters had the world "FAG!" written on his forehead in permanent marker courtesy of Cartman who had apparently woke up and left, leaving scattered Cheesy Poofs bags and sticky soda stains in his wake.

Feeling guilty about last night's intrusion, Kenny stayed to help Butters clean up the place before Butters' parents came home. Kenny even ran to his house to grab one of his dad's bottle of cheap rum to replace the once from last night so the Stotch's wouldn't have any evidence of the prior evening.

Butters was grateful for the help and thanked Kenny numerous times despite that fact that Kenny was involved with all the trouble to begin with. Also, Butters had apparently come to the conclusion that he was straight after all and vomiting after kissing Kenny must have been a special message from god that had confirmed Butters was indeed straight. Kenny was glad to help his little buddy out but neither of them really spoke about it again.

Well, anyways, they were good enough pals still that Kenny could swipe Butters' Hello Kitty pencil case off his desk without asking. After browsing through the numerous Crayola colors, he found two shades that were close to Red's lingerie, Razzamatazz and Radical Red, deciding ultimately on Radical Red because Red's were pretty rad.

He was so going to get an A on this. No one could deny the skill of his artistic craftsmanship. When the lunch bell rang, he turned it in happily. When it was handed back he was going to hang it on his fridge so his family would know of his artistic and academic talent.

* * *

Kenny stared at the last bite of his cafeteria pizza sadly before placing it delicately in his mouth, savoring the last of the only warm meal he was going to eat today. Ah, the luxurious flavors of cafeteria meals.

After staring at his empty tray with a mournful look, his eyes began to wander around the table, searching for any leftover foods. Cartman of course, had demolished his entire school lunch along with the packed lunch his mother made for him with no crumbs to share. Clyde had also eaten all of his food, though there was a bunch of crumbs leftover on his chin and shirt. Craig had eaten everything except his baby carrots and was now rolling them between his fingers, bringing them close to his face and inspecting them for something with a concentrated look on his face before setting it down a picking up a new one. Tweek, however, hadn't eaten a single bite of his lunch and was just kind of sitting there staring at it.

"Ya gunna eat that Tweek?" Kenny asked. Tweek slightly flinched and looked up at Kenny, then back at his uneaten lunch.

". . . No," Tweek said after a thoughtful silence.

"Well. . . Can I have it then?" asked Kenny hopefully.

"_Nnyess._"

Unable to tell if that was a yes or a no, Kenny reached across the table and slowly withdrew an unclaimed pizza slice anyway. "Thanks man," he said through a mouthful of cheese.

"Ey don't feed the poor Tweek," muttered Cartman, "They'll start following you around like a cat in heat meowing for some more food."

"No one even understands that metaphor," said Craig dryly.

"It was a simile, you nasally dumbass!"

Craig flipped a quick bird and returned to his carrot inspections.

Tweek picked a pudding cup off his tray and slid it across the table towards Kenny. "Take that too I – _uh _– I don't trust vanilla when it's not in coffee!"

"You sure man? You haven't even eaten anything," said Kenny, trying to be courteous.

" Oh, um, ah, uh. . . I, uh, my mom usually packs my lunch because I'm on a gluten-free diet and am trying out Veganism right now, but I was running late this morning because I spilled coffee all over my clothes and had to change but, um, I was late for the bus so I ran outside forgetting to grab it off the counter and I don't wanna eat any of this cafeteria food because it might upset my stomach so. . ." Tweek trailed of in the middle of his hurried explanation, "You can have it I don't care."

"Fucking Vegans," Cartman mumbled.

"Hell yeah Vegans!" Kenny responded, delighted with all this extra food he was receiving.

"So Kenny," started Clyde out of nowhere, "You and Red aren't a thing anymore, right?"

"Yeah, she dumped his broke ass!" said Cartman happily.

Kenny waved away Cartman comment and said, "Yeah, Red just decided she didn't have time to be in a relationship anymore, what with her demanding Cheerleading and Volleyball schedule. It was nice while it lasted though, I guess."

Clyde drummed his fingers on the table and glanced around the cafeteria to where Red was sitting.

"O.K. this might seem like a shallow question, but would you care if I asked her out? You know, since me and Bebe aren't a thing anymore, either."

Kenny shrugged. "Whatever."

"Really?" said Clyde, his voice raising.

"Yeah it's not like I have the right to control if someone does asks her out just because I'm the last guy who dated her. Go for it dude."

Clyde glanced at Red again. "Thanks for the go-ahead anyway. I've kind of been wanting to ask her out since we were partnered up together in Algebra. I don't, she's just got a way with fractions, man. We actually aced our project, despite my lack of help. Also, she's a cheerleader, which is cool."

Clyde paused for a moment. "You know, Kenny, if you want to ask Bebe out, I'm totally down with that."

Kenny plucked a piece of pepperoni into his mouth. "Hm."

"_Hm_," Tweek echoed with a little spasm. He bit his lip and slid his carton of chocolate milk across the table to Kenny. "_No Lactose_," Tweek whispered to himself.

* * *

Upon entering the boy's bathroom, Kenny was greeted with the pleasant sound of somebody puking their guts out. Not wanting to hear that during his business, he was turned to leave, but heard a toilet flush and a stall door opening. Tweek stepped out, looking a little pale and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

"Tweek?"

The person in question jumped. "God, Jesus!" When he saw that it was Kenny, he added a small "_Christ._"

"What the hell were you even horkin' up, Tweek? Did you even eat anything?" Kenny asked, curious.

"Coffee. I have a nervous stomach." Tweek answered quietly, gaze dropping to the floor tiles.

"Oh. Uh, what where you nervous about?" said Kenny, now finding himself in an uncomfortable conversation. Tweek made a guttural noise in the back of his throat and waved his left arm around stiffly.

"_Nuh._"

"I see," said Kenny. He cleared his throat. "Well, see you around Tweek," he said, backing out slowly.

"Wait!" said Tweek urgently.

"What?"

"Uh. . ." said Tweek, suddenly quiet.

"What?" Kenny said again.

"Kenny. . ."

"Yes, Tweek?"

Tweek sighed dramatically and absentmindedly scuffed one of his shoes on the floor. "Do you – _ugh – _are you. . . Out?"

"Am I. . . Out?" Kenny said confusedly. "Out of what?"

"No!" Tweek exclaimed, sounding mad at himself. He took a deep breath, composing himself. "Do you – _want_ _to _– go out?"

Kenny shrugged. "Sure, we can hang out. Me, Stan, and Kyle are having a serious video game night at Stan's house tonight. They probably wouldn't care if you came, and besides, we need a fourth player anyway for even teams since Cartman doesn't want to come for some reason, so sure."

"No! Not like that!" said Tweek, sounding frustrated.

Kenny scratched the back of his head. "Tweek, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little confused here."

Tweek took a deep breath. "I mean. On. A. Date."

Kenny raised his eyebrows in surprise. He looked Tweek up and down. "A, um, like, romantic date?"

Tweek lowered his gaze again. "_Nnyess._"

Kenny took a moment to consider. He never been asked out by another guy before, nor had he ever considered that possibility, but Tweek did give Kenny another lunch today. And Tweek was a pretty alright guy. This might as well happen.

". . . Okay," Kenny decided.

Tweek eyes widened a bit. "Really?"

"Yeah, why the hell not."

"Oh, O.K.," said Tweek, sliding his fingers under his blonde hair, tugging at it nervously.

". . . Yeah," Kenny said again. "See you later," he said, exiting the bathroom awkwardly.

". . ._Later,_" he heard Tweek repeat behind him. Huh. Well, that was a thing that just happened. Weird.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jesus Christ, Kenny, stop killing me!" Stan yelled.

"No way, I've already died a fuck-ton of times. Endure some of my suffering for a while and see how you like it. Besides, the whole point of Halo is to kill stuff."

Stan, Kenny, and Kyle were sprawled across and around the Marsh's living room couch for their tri-monthly video game night. Various bottles of soda were scattered across the floor along with several bags of Doritos. Cartman didn't show up tonight, so they had to go 2-1 on the teams. Stan was currently the lone man and Kenny and Kyle were taking a vindictive joy in shooting him down every time he got up.

"Kyle, it's your turn to be on the single team," grumbled Stan, fed up.

"No fucking way. You've only died like. . . Eighteen times, so quit your bitching."

"Ugh! Can't we just play a racing game? Everyone's equal on a racing game. Come on, I've got Mario Cart."

"No, Halo's fine," said Kenny, now that he wasn't the lone player getting killed repeatedly.

"I can't believe I'm asking this, but where the hell is Cartman?" Stan asked.

"Nobody cares," said Kyle, his eyes in the dead-looking video game trance, as he sliced through Stan's character with an energy sword.

"Goddamnit Kyle!" said Stan in frustration, dropping his controller. "Should we call Butters or something? If we have to play this let's play it evenly."

"No, three players is fine. Take it like a man, Stan," said Kenny. "We can gang up and slaughter Kyle when it's his turn, don't worry."

"Like hell you will," said Kyle, "I'm going to outmaneuver the shit out of all of you." True to his word, when it was his turn, Stan and Kenny only managed to strike him down about three times while Kyle had picked them off at least five times each.

"Damn," muttered Kenny as Kyle causally beheaded him.

"Get your head in the fucking game, Kenny!" urged Stan, a bit sour from his repeated deaths.

"Sorry. I kind of had a weird afternoon," said Kenny.

After falling to Kyle yet again, Stan just sighed and shut off the Xbox. "I don't want to play anymore," he announced.

"Hey, put that back on!" said Kyle.

"Nope, we're playing Mario Cart, I don't even care," said Stan, fumbling around to hook up his Wii.

"If we have to play Nintendo, let's do Smash Brothers," said Kenny.

"NO! We're playing Mario Cart! It's my fucking house!" yelled Stan.

"Holy crap Stan, chill the fuck out," said Kenny.

Stan took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry. Fucking Halo man." He put the Mario Cart disc in and fell back against the couch while the screen loaded. "So, you're having a weird day?" he said to Kenny.

Kenny took a mouthful of Coke in his mouth and back-washed it into the bottle. "Yeah. Well, I guess wasn't really weird, more like different."

"So what was weird about it?" asked Kyle, bored.

"O.K., let's keep an open mind here. No judging."

"Did you do something illegal again?" asked Stan with some exasperation in his voice.

"No."

"Well, then what is it?" said Stan.

". . . Tweek asked me out today." A period of silence followed.

"Like. . . On a date?" said Stan.

"Tweek's gay?" said Kyle.

"Yes, and apparently so," Kenny answered. More silence.

"So. . . You turned him down?" said Kyle with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

". . . No."

"So you're gay too?" Kyle pressed. Kenny selected a Cool Ranch Dorito from a bag and bit off a corner of it thoughtfully.

"No, I don't think so. I mean, boobs. . ."

"Bi?" Stan offered.

Kenny shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure how attracted I am to dudes. Maybe, with all the porn I've watched and all the dicks I've seen, I've picked something up something subconsciously? Like a high dick tolerance or something?"

Kyle shuddered. "First off, _ew_, secondly, if you don't know if you like guys, why did you say yes to Tweek?"

"Well, he asked me, and it's not like I'm seeing anyone right now, so I figured I might as well go out with him anyway to see what it's like."

"So you're bi-curious?" said Stan.

"Maybe. Well, I guess I am kind of curious. I don't know yet. I guess I'll have to see where the night goes." He said dismissively. "You guys don't give a shit, right? About the whole possibly bi-thing?"

"No," said Stan. "Who cares. I mean, Tweek's O.K."

". . . No," said Kyle, though he looked a little uncomfortable. "You do a lot of strange things Kenny. Like that time in Home Ec. when you set your hoodie on fire because Cartman dared you to and you singed off your eyebrows, or like we went to that Wildlife Science Center on a field trip and you opened the Rattlesnake cage and stuck your hand in because Craig told you to and you wound up in the-"

"You think Kenny going out with Tweek would be a 'strange thing?'" interrupted Stan.

Kyle took a sip of Diet Pepsi. "Uh, well not strange, I guess. Just unexpected. Like, there's always been something a little off about Tweek, but, Kenny, well, you've never really been afraid to explicitly describe all the detailed reasons you like girls so much."

"Yeah I still am all about the ladies," said Kenny proudly.

"But you're still going try a dude," said Stan slowly.

"Uh-huh."

"O.K." said Stan.

"_Mario!" _

"I want Princess Peach, you guys," said Kenny, "back off my lady."

"Princess Peach sucks anyway," said Stan as he selected Toad.

"Yeah, Daisy's better," said Kyle as he picked her. "So, uh, back to the Tweek thing, where are you guys going out, anyway?"

"I don't know. We never talked about it. As soon as I said yes I just got the hell out of there. Any suggestions? I don't know what Tweek likes."

"Wendy and I went to the Olive Garden last week, because she wanted to go to someplace formal and dress up and Olive Garden is the best place South Park can offer. It was kind of fun and the food's good."

"No, I can't afford the Olive Garden. What about you Kyle? Suggestions?"

"Well, I took Nichole to a Build-a-Bear Workshop on our first date because she likes stuffed animals. She really liked it, but those goddamn bears are frickin' expensive," said Kyle.

"Yeah, then I'm definitely not going there. Seems more of a girl-date kind of thing, and I am not Mr. Moneybags. We'll probably just go to the movies or something."

"Whatever. Let's just play some fucking cheesy-ass Mario Cart," said Stan, eager to start his racing game.

* * *

The next morning, Kenny tried to catch Tweek in the hallways before school started, but he couldn't spot the twitchy kid anywhere. Tweek wasn't in first period either. He was probably home with the flu or something. Still, Kenny wanted to talk to him. Luckily Craig sat in front of Kenny first hour.

"Hey Craig," he whispered as he reached forward and pulled on one of his Chullo flaps.

"_Don't touch the flaps_," whispered Craig with a surprising amount of emotion in his voice, "and what the hell do you want?"

"You hang out with Tweek a lot, right? Do you have his phone number?"

Craig adjusted the position of his hat with careful precision. "No. Not anymore. After the whole phone-calls-bring-monitored thing was on the news Tweek got freaked out about his privacy and dropped his cell phone down a sewer drain. He swears he never is going to use a phone or open an email again."

Wendy glanced over and gave them a dirty look for their slightly-too-loud conversation, but didn't say anything.

"Why do you even want to know anyway?" asked Craig.

"Oh, I just gotta talk to him about something real quick. Nothing important."

"Sucks to be you, then, it's a bitch to try to get a hold of him" said Craig dismissively.

The teacher gave slight "_a-hem!_" to their general direction and the two shut up. Kenny figured he would have to wait until Monday to talk him. The rest of the school day went along without anything particularly exciting happening, although during English class he got sent to Mr. Mackey's office and his parents were called about his slightly R-rated English homework. Some people just didn't understand the beauty of his art.

However, during lunchtime, Kenny's thoughts drifted back to Tweek. The cafeteria was serving pizza again, which reminded him of Tweek's generous lunch offering yesterday. Maybe he should try to find and talk to Tweek again today after all.

By the time the school day were over, Kenny ultimately decided to ditch Stan and Kyle on the bus and walk over to the coffee shop Tweek's parents owned. Craig had said something about Tweek sometimes staying home to help when his parents needed help taking inventory or something, so Kenny thought he'd try there first.

After walking the first few blocks in the below-freezing weather, Kenny started to regret his decision. It was really cold out today, even by Colorado's standards, not to mention windy. All he was wearing was a T-shirt, his sexy orange parka, and a pair of dirty jeans. At least living in a small town meant every place you could possibly go to was within an hour of walking distance. Thankfully, the Tweek Bros. coffee shop was only about a fifteen minute walk from the school.

* * *

The wave of hot air that washed over him when he stepped into Tweek Bros. felt awesome. Plus, like all coffee houses, it smelled pretty good in there, the sweet smell of baked goods mixing with the underlying smell of flavored coffee. Looking around, Kenny didn't see any Tweek besides Mr. and Mrs. Tweak. Mrs. Tweak was catering to the couple customers who were there while Mr. Tweak was behind the counter. When he saw Kenny walk through the door he smiled and waved Kenny over.

"Ah, if it isn't the young Mr. McCormick! Don't often see you in our humble little shop! What possibly brings you here? Perhaps the tantalizing aroma of our freshly brewed Colombian blend?"

Oh, right, Tweek sort of had weird parents.

"Oh, Richard, dear, quit bothering the poor boy," said Mrs. Tweak as she glided over to them. "He's obviously here looking for Tweek. Last night during dinner he was muttering something about a Kenny. Perhaps you two had plans for something? Unfortunately, Tweek choose to stay home today. He has problems with stress, you see. I probably shouldn't let him stay home so often, but Tweek is such a good little student and his absences don't affect his grades one bit and-"

"I gotcha, Mrs. Tweak," said Kenny, interrupting her motherly rant. "Yeah, we got plans for something and I kind of want to talk to him about them. So he's at home?"

"Yes, Dear," said Mrs. Tweak, "Said he couldn't face any pressure today. He had an upset stomach yesterday, poor thing. Perhaps I should change his diet? Maybe Vegan isn't the best thing for him. He probably needs a diet a little higher in calories. Oh, it's so hard picking the right diet for him, he's so finicky-"

"Yes, yes," said Mr. Tweak, being the one to interrupt her this time. "Our boy needs special care. But don't bother Kenny here with your worries. Ever since he's stepped foot in here, he's been craving a warm sip of our rich Hazelnut brew, a modest but satisfying taste, no doubt a fresh-"

"Uh, yeah, just lookin' for Tweek here," said Kenny quickly. "Since he's not here, I'll just go over to his, um, _your _house and talk to him, if you don't mind."

"What a wonderful idea! He hates to be home alone by himself. Poor dear is always worried about robbers and rapists and the like, so no doubt a friend would do much to alleviate his fears-"

"Yeah, so, I'll be going then. . ." said Kenny, cutting off Mrs. Tweak for the second time.

Mrs. Tweak glanced at Kenny's pink face and slightly runny nose. "Oh, feel free to stay in for a minute and warm yourself up. It's terribly chilly out and you might catch cold."

"No, I should be on my way before I get used to all this warmth. Your house isn't far from here, right? I'll be fine. I'm used to the cold anyway."

"If you insist on braving the perilous cold, might I suggest a cup our signature Tweek Bros. blend to-go, a hot beverage to warm your soul and entice your taste buds," said Mr. Tweak smoothly.

"Again, I'm good; I'll just be off on my way-"

"Nonsense, Hun. We insist, just take a small cup with you. It's on the house," said Mrs. Tweak.

"Guess I can't say no to that," said Kenny.

Mr. Tweak procured a small Styrofoam cup which he filled up from one of the various coffee dispensers that were behind the counter.

"Take a sip, Mr. McCormick, tell us what you think of our product," Mr. Tweak coaxed eagerly.

Not wanting to disappoint the anxious eyes that were watching him, Kenny brought the cup to his lips, took a small sip, and swallowed.

"Well?" Asked Mrs. Tweek.

"Oh, it's, uh, good, good, like a . . . Sunny summer day?" said Kenny.

"You, my boy, have a fine taste in coffee," said Mr. Tweak.

Mrs. Tweak opened up one of the bakery displays and carefully wrapped some wax paper around a large frosted pastry. "Why don't you have this too, Kenny."

Kenny eyed up the delicious looked whatever-it-was and swallowed nervously.

"No, uh, I couldn't just take it. . ." said Kenny, politely declining the offer as believably as he could.

Much to Kenny's happiness, Mrs. Tweak wouldn't hear a word of it. "Please take it, hun, it's been sitting under the heat lamp all day and we will probably just end up throwing it out by closing time anyway. I'd rather seen it eaten than wasted."

"Guess I can't argue with that," said Kenny, a grin working its way to the corners of his mouth. God, he loved free food.

"Be safe now, you hear!" called Mr. Tweak as Kenny left. He waved the back of his hand as a good-bye. He and his free pastry needed some alone time.

The cold walk to Tweek's house felt better than his first journey now that he had some food and a hot beverage. Though he wasn't much of a coffee drinker, he slammed back the small shot of coffee anyway, not to be wasteful. The pastry, which he discovered was a jelly-filled doughnut, was devoured slowly and carefully. He didn't know if that red stuff in the middle was strawberry or raspberry filling, but either way it was damn delicious. The Tweaks certainly were generous with their food. Kenny admired that in a family.

He wondered if the Tweaks knew about their son's preferences in dates. If they did, that explained their niceness. Then again, maybe they were just like that naturally.

When he arrived at Tweek's house, it didn't seem like anyone was home. All the curtains were drawn and the lights were off, as far as Kenny could see. He pressed the doorbell. Nothing. No sound from the inside. He banged on the door a few times.

"Hey Tweek, you there?!" yelled Kenny. There was no answer and no sound of someone walking to the door. He banged on the door a few more times. A minute or so passed with nothing happening.

"Tweek!" he yelled again, "I know you're in there! Your parents told me so! I'm not a rapist or anything, just let me in already!"

Receiving no audible answer again, Kenny wondered if the dude was watching TV or listening to loud music with his headphones on or something. He backed up and stared at the upper windows of the Tweak house, trying to pick out Tweek's room.

The streets had been freshly plowed, so Kenny grabbed a couple chunks of icy slush and began throwing them at each window on the second floor, every hit landing with a loud thunk. "Tweek!" he yelled again, starting to become annoyed. He was getting cold again. Finally, he saw a pair of curtains be pulled back and a window open.

"Tweek, for crying out loud, it's freezing out here! Why didn't you open the door!" He shouted.

"Stop throwing things! And I thought you might have been a burglar!" Tweek shouted back.

"Couldn't you tell it was me?!"

"You could have just been pretending to be Kenny so you could gain entry into the house!"

"Well, I _am _the real Kenny, so let me in already!"

Tweek peered down at Kenny suspiciously. "What are you even doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you!"

"About what!"

"About-" Kenny's voice was starting to get hoarse, "Oh, for Christ's sake, can you just come down and open the door so we don't have to keep yelling to each other like idiots?!"

"No."

"What?!"

Tweek absently hugged his arms. "You can't come in my house yet, we haven't even had a first date!"

"Oh come on, I've been in your house before!"

"Well it's different now!"

"Well, I'm freezing my balls off out here and I'm tired of shouting at you!"

"Then don't shout, just talk really loudly!"

Kenny rolled his eyes and decided he'd better cut to the chase.

"So where do you want to seal the deal?!"

"_What?!_" yelled Tweek with a slight break in his voice as if he was being asked to commit a crime.

"When and where you want to go out?!"

"Oh," said Tweek, looking relieved, "I don't know, uh, where do you want to go?!"

"I don't care, movies sound good?!"

"Movies. . . Dark, quiet, safe, yes! There's something new out I wanted to see anyway!"

"O.K.!" yelled Kenny, glad that he was finally almost done with this conversation so he could get his frozen ass home. "So, seven or eight-ish tomorrow?!"

"Um, how about One?!"

"What kind of person goes to the movies at one in the afternoon on a Saturday?!"

"I do! It's a horror movie and I feel safer watching them in the day! If I watch them at night then I get scared and can't sleep! "

"O.K., O.K. whatever. So, see you there tomorrow?!" said Kenny, not wanting to further argue.

"_Hn_. . . Yes!" Tweek yelled back.

Kenny breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he finally got that over with and wouldn't have to stand out on the Tweak's lawn anymore yelling. He wondered if any of the neighbors were curious about the shouting match.

"Hey, Tweek, before I get out of here, you got any food?!" He yelled up as an afterthought.

"Uh, hang on a sec!"

His blond head disappeared for a bit and popped back out.

"Here!" Tweek shouted as he chucked a small object at Kenny's head. Thanks to Kenny's survival instincts, he was able to grab it before it hit his eye or something. Oh, it was a granola bar. Yeah, Tweek probably ate a lot of organic stuff like that. Well, it was no jelly doughnut, but it was still free.

"Thanks Man!" he yelled at Tweek's window, but it had already been slammed shut. Guess he'd see inhospitable guy tomorrow.

* * *

**AN: Wow, I updated in record time because I got excited about this story. I'll be honest here, that probably won't happen that often. Much thanks for my lovely reviewers LadyRaven-321, deathNspikes, and ElizLynn. Every little review makes my fingers fly over my keyboard a little bit faster. Thanks for your support!**


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